Meeting in the mess

 I'm wondering if I've toned down Jesus

I've started reading Messy Spirituality again for Ironman and it makes me feel like I have. And maybe it's not just the book, maybe it's just life. I'm really good at falling into normal, every-day Christianity, reading my Bible and praying.

But to what end? Every time I do is it to get closer to the Lord? If I'm being honest, not always. It's because I should.

Maybe I think that God is looking at my mess from a distance. At least, I think I treat Him like He's answering my prayers from a distance. In reality, when I really think about it, He lives in it: He lives in my mess of insecurity, vying for His spot in my heart, my soul. Patiently, but at the same time actively moving to take over my whole self.

Is that true? Yes. But, how does that change my prayers? How does that change the way I live?

I think it comes down to this: God is not fragile. He can handle the truth of who I am even when I can't. And if God is not fragile and His Spirit dwells within me, maybe I'm not as fragile as I've led myself to believe. Maybe I can handle more.

More what? Honesty? Change? Questions? Maybe just more of life...more adventures, more risks, more living.